What it’s like to be a coach.

is it a good fitI don’t think I ever wrote about it. I’ve talked about it. I even created a class about it. Here are some questions people often have:

  • What is life coaching? I believe it is many things depending on the person who is doing it. The trend seems to be to bring your own experience to it and then help others who relate to that experience. It’s about having someone other then ourselves to help us reach whatever goals we have and if we pay for that support, we tend to follow it more because that’s how humans are – we value what we pay for.
  • How do I get clients? That’s a big one! Some people work locally and promote themselves locally and many of us are online. I have tried a zillion things – sometimes they work and sometimes not. I try to find the best teachers of the latest ways to conquer the internet and see what they are suggesting and if it would work for me.
  • Does certification matter? Anyone who knows me or has taken my Udemy course knows that I believe one can just hang up your sign – so to speak because in the US there are no requirements to belong to any certifying group. I imagine in corporate coaching those requirements might be different but that is no my area of expertise.
  • Is training worthwhile? Well, I offer training so I know its value because my program is a growth and transformation program for coaches and their clients. That being said, it depends on you. If you feel you have what it takes, then never mind training but please be aware that there are lots of fairly inexpensive training programs that are videos and some written content which you could probably find on the internet so ask lots of questions and see if coaching and supervised coaching are part of the training. If so, then in my opinion it’s a good training.

As to what it’s like to be a coach – if you are the person who really loves to help people personally and watch them grow and give them tools for continued growth and love to grow yourself, then you are a very good candidate to stick it through until you are up and running.

Barriers to Personal Growth – Do you refuse to see them?

Are You Keeping Your Head in the Sand?

ostrichLook around. Denial is everywhere – about being in a lousy relationship; about how you treated someone; about how much money you have.

Are these barriers to personal growth? Being human means we are all pretty much subject to this state of mind. I’ve been told it is a protective construct. I’m sure it is and it is also appropriate to take my head out of the sand and look around when I don’t need that protection any more.

What I need to fully take my head out of the sand and keep it out is about frequent exercise .  This is my barrier.

I’m 72. I have definitely arrived at the “use it or lose it” stage of my life. I’ve been warned and exhorted and the day has arrived. I am no longer get away in the no-exercise-but-my-body-works-pretty-well-anyway stage. Today while going for a walk, I had a teensy moment of experiencing an “old person’s” step.

I don’t know how else to describe it. For a short fraction of a moment as I was walking, my step felt a bit weak and a bit unsteady. I doubt if anyone could have seen it if they were watching but I have fine sensitivity about things happening in my body and I felt it. It was really there.

These days when I go a week without exercise, my balance  standing on one foot is a bit shaky, my arms and legs aren’t as strong and I can tell that my posture is drooping. When I do exercise very frequently, none of the previous things is extremely true.

I’ve never been an athlete so I don’t expect an athlete’s effectiveness but I don’t want an old person’s ineffectiveness. I don’t want to be one of those people with a walker or any other aid. I want to be fully functioning until the body needs to leave the planet.

What are your barriers to personal growth?

So, now that I’ve lifted the tightly held cover off of my hole in the sand, I’ll ask you again, “What are YOU in denial about?”

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching


Are the “no”s of childhood in charge of your life? How can you be emotionally healthy?

Remember when you were a kid and you wanted some things that your parents said NO to? I’m guessing it would not have been OK for you to express anger at your disappointment. Most parents are not so OK with that but where did those feelings go? They most likely never got expressed which means they are somewhere “in” you which means most likely they need some work – some healing.

In my work as an Emotion-Based Coach I meet both women who’ve had horrendous backgrounds and women whose childhood was pretty good. It’s the one whose childhood was pretty good who have the most difficulty in believing that their past might be the reason their relationships don’t work out or they can’t seem to do the work that makes them happy or anything else that isn’t working in their lives.

Here’s an example from a conversation I had this week with a really quite healthy woman who is considering going through YOU University with me as her coach. When she was a kid, her dad wanted her to become a golf pro and apparently put a fair amount of pressure on her to do so. She did not become a golf pro and knows intellectually that her dad wanted the best for her but I believe that the kid in her still needs to express her feelings around being pushed into something she didn’t really want to do and the somewhat powerless experience that kids often have even with the best of parents.

We all have situations like the one above in our past. Some of us unfortunately have much harsher ones but usually those women hurt so much, that they try to get relief by going to therapy or being involved in spiritual and/or personal growth programs and reading self-help blogs, books and ebooks. It’s the ones with the easier past who have a hard time believing that their “great” childhood could leave any negative impact on them.

It occurs to me that taking this self-assessment might help you get some insight into yourself and how the now is linked with the past.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

What Is Your Path?

Beyond Life Coaching

We all have a self-selected the  School of Life, i.e. I want to come into human form and want to advance my soul’s path by doing such and such in order to learn such and such which will bring me closer and closer to my Perfect Universe/Self.

One of the reasons I wanted to come into human form this time around was to learn to totally trust myself/the Universe.  This is what I call life coaching and beyond. It is what my own individual path is. There are many ways a person can “setup” this soul-growing challenge.

For example:

  • One could be a  person like Mother Theresa and live the kind of life she lived.
  • Or one could be born really ugly or disabled and learn how to totally trust  and love oneself even in the face of rejection or derision.
  • Or one could have really low self esteem because they chose a mother who would criticize them regularly and often.

I chose #3!

magnetOne of the ways I’ve been doing it in this life’s journey is by being the kind of person who can only really meet people if they feel magnetized to me. If I put myself forward in most any way, it seems to push most people away rather than pull them closer.

The way this shows up in business, which for me is about having clients who want to become coaches and creating written products and sometimes giving workshops, is to never have marketing or selling myself work. People don’t react well when I do it.

So my journey is having me BE the magnet. In order to be the magnet, I have to totally be myself and love what and who that self is. What a journey it has been so far!

So what do you consider life coaching and beyond? I’m thinking that if you are considering becoming a coach or are a coach and wonder why you don’t have the clients you want, you might think of determining what is the most soul-related, authentic mode of having people find you that would work for your uniqueness ?

What is your path?

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Is High Self Esteem Feeling Competent or Feeling Worthwhile?

High Self Esteem = Competence AND Worth

What is high self-esteem? Some say it’s the feeling of personal competence. Some say the feeling of personal worth. Or is it both? I say both.

Ask yourself the following questions to determine the areas where you may need to examine find your level of highhighselfesteem self-esteem:

Am I able to earn my living doing what I enjoy? Does what I do to earn a living improve or take away from my self esteem?

Do I know how to give and receive love? Or do I get stepped on and used in my relationships.

Do I have wonderful friends? Or are my friends undermining and backbiting?

Do I take good care of myself physically? Or do I eat poorly, sleep little or too much and do no exercise?

Do I earn an income that is appropriate my age? Or do I go from one low-paying job to another?

Even if you answer positively for four out of the five of your answers, one area of your life that isn’t working the way you’d like it to is enough to throw your life out of balance and negatively effect you high self esteem. Be honest with yourself. Do something for yourself. Think about hiring a life coach and focus in particular on the area you need a boost on.

When you have high self esteem you can accomplish what you want to in your life. When you have high self esteem you can stick to what you want to accomplish – even if it takes years. As one who suffered from low self esteem, I know how long and hard it can be but I also know the rewards of high self esteem.

As an example, in three major areas of my life, I’ll give you a little synopsis:

Relationships – from a really long and bad first marriage with two partners with clear self esteem issues,  I now have a long-term marriage with two of us feeling good about ourselves.

Career – from floundering around doing jobs I was either over or under-qualified for, I now know my talents and how to use them.

Self-care – from years of overweight and health problems I now am actually tired of my clothes because they keep fitting me.

Obviously that is not every area of my life but I think it is quite easy to see that having high self esteem makes all the difference in the world in life.

If I can do it, so can you.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching


Expressing Gratitude Brings Me Closer to Myself

I am 72. I was born during a World War – another “war to end all wars”. I’ve lived through the Korean War, the Vietnam War, entrenched fear of Communism, Middle East Wars, September 11th, jobs I hated, a challenging marriage, teenagers with troubles – sometimes very big ones, financial losses, early stages of breast cancer and many other events both personal and world events.

gratitude2How can I experience all of this and still feel happy, joyous, grateful and optimistic with an inner knowing that we are all in for amazing wonders of planetary transformation? How can I have such a great life with so much expanding love of family, friends and complete strangers? How can I be seeing material success beginning to occur even within the current economic climate? Am I different than others? Am I more blessed? More special?

I think not. I think that on a personal level I have begun to understand how life works. My experience has shown me to:

  • learn how to focus on what’s good
  • learn how to let go of the old negative tapes I’ve picked up from various places in my life
  • tell the truth of how I feel – at least to myself
  • keep expressing gratitude
  • know for sure what makes me happy

By doing these I  not only create the life I want, I contribute to the positive vibrations on the planet and get to be a part of the solution.

I am no different than you. We are all one. We all effect each other by our very eye blink. With all that said, I will tell you what I am grateful for:

  • I am grateful that I have 5 beautiful grandchildren, 4 wonderful kids with various amazing partners, step-children, friends, clients – love abounding!
  • I am grateful I am my right weight and able to maintain it and love myself in the doing.
  • I am grateful for our Wii Fit and that I am willing to use it quite often.
  • I am grateful for my  smartphone and my  iMac.
  • I am grateful for all the wonderful connections I’ve made all over the world by doing social networking.
  • I am grateful for knowledge of how to feed my body and keep it healthy.
  • I am grateful for all the wonderful teachers I’ve had including John Gray and Barbara deAngelis.
  • I am grateful that I could go on and on and on.

Expressing gratitude works to create the life of your dreams. What are you grateful for?

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Does Your Life Coach Tell You the Hard Things?

Things you should be hearing…

On a regular basis if you tell friechallengends of yours things like:

  • “Are you telling yourself the truth about being happy with your weight?”
  • “I don’t work for nothing.”
  • “How many things of the many we brainstormed together have you actually done to expand your business? Make a list of all of them, next to it put how much or how many times you have done and then email me each time you do one.”
  • “Do you think your son is telling you the whole truth? What do you think is really true?”
  • “If you put that much money on your credit card and give him the money, what will be his incentive to pay you back?”
  • “You have trained him to treat you with no respect.”
  • “Do you actually have to spend so much money on the cleaners?”

My hand is raised. If yours is raised because you have recently told people these things or things like them all in the last couple of weeks, you are probably a life coach yourself or might want to thing about it.

Often the job of a life coach is to be willing to tell clients the hard things they pay you to hear because they’ve been ignoring their own inner voices that tell them the same things. It helps to hear it from another person with who you have set your goals and who will help you hold yourself to them.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching